Why I created a blog…

In 2023, I became a first-time mom. Being a mom is the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done and becoming a mom comes with so many changes. As someone who has struggled with anxiety my whole life, change is hard no matter how big or small. Positive changes, like having a child, are still hard to adjust to even though they are wonderful. Becoming a mom was a very positive experience for me, but trying to find my new identity was and continues to be a little difficult. Losing your identity is a struggle that I know a lot of new mom’s face. I was also hit with a huge trial right alongside motherhood. The day after I got home from having our daughter, my grandma was taken to the hospital by ambulance. In the days that followed, we got word that my grandma had terminal cancer. My grandma and I were very close. I practically lived at her house when I was a kid because my mom ran her business in the basement, and we only lived a couple miles away. When I graduated high school, I moved in with her and my grandpa and later bought the house next door to them. I saw my grandparents almost daily. Preparing to navigate a world without my grandma and trying to be the best mom that I can has been extremely hard. I was blessed to live 25 years without having to experience grief on such a high level, but in April of this year my grandma passed away and the feelings of grief flooded my life. Since then, I have had so many thoughts and no way to organize them. I tried journaling, but I keep having a feeling that I should start a blog. I have realized over the last several months that I need to heal my heart and find myself by connecting with and helping others. The only way I know how to reach and inspire others is by my own personal experiences. I hope that my blog, Look to the Lavender, can show people that they are not alone and that they are loved, seen, and heard.